07 May 2009

In Salute to National Homebrew Day

.... which was apparently May 2nd:


-Every t-shirt you have is from a brewpub or brewery.
-Walking across your kitchen floor sounds like Velcro.
-You wanted to name the puppy/kitten Fuggles.
-You can recognize the smell of exploded beer bottles from outside your house/apartment.
-You hear a beer bottle exploding, and you can tell whether it's a 12-ouncer or 22-ouncer from the sound.
-You've had to answer to the police why you're raiding bottles out of the neighbors' recycling bins late at night.
-You've sent the kids to bed dirty because the tub was full of soaking bottles.
-You know seventeen different ways/formulas for getting a label off a beer bottle.
-You've ever said any of the following:
"Is that by weight or by volume?"
"Probably dirty hoses."
"Aw, c**p, twist-offs."
"Green bottles? Ya gotta be kidding me..."
-You're desperate to use the word "sparge" in a sentence because..... well, just because!
-You've ever even THOUGHT about how to cut a hole in the side of a refrigerator.
-You've ever sneaked a hop pellet into your bottle of mass-produced beer at a party.
-You refuse to drink a beer out of the bottle or can.
-Your kid does his or her science fair project on fermentation.
-You have more than fifteen gallons of beer in your house right now.
-You measure beer in gallons.
-You just now said ".......... but fifteen gallons isn't a lot........."
-Every party invitation you get says "Bring a keg, dude!"
-Your kid criticizes the head retention of his root beer.
-You can't find a glass to pour milk into, because EVERY glass in the house is a beer glass.
-You get the technician who prints microchip labels at work to jigger the printer to run off labels for your bottle caps.
-You used the label for your Christmas beer as a Christmas card design because you were too busy bottling to design a proper Christmas card.
-You've added crystal malt to your party snack mix, and roasted barley to the coffee.
-Your spouse has forbidden you from bringing more bottles into the house--one must go every time one is added.
-You ever tried to brew with a 13-gallon carboy--without considering the weight of the full vessel.
-Your wife threatens divorce over the long-term ramifications of a boil-over on her new range.
-You've had the argument of whether to come up with a beer name or a drinkable beer first.
-You've searched the office supply catalog in vain for an Avery bottle-label paper/template.

More contributions welcomed.

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